i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
