god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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