I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
