he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize