I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
