she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
