I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
