Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
