My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
