I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
