peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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