There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
