Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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