Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
