Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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