She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
