Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
