id be glad to
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
