Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
