i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize