So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Less talking, more tequila
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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