I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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