how can u be prego again
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
