i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
