Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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