That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
