Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
