i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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