Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
