She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
