i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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