i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
