how can u be prego again
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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