I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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