Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
