i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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