where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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