what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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