Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
