Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
