I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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