So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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