He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
