nut hugger
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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