alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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