The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
