Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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