What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
