Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
