i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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