I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
