My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
