After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
