I just threw up on my dentist
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
