i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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