If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
