So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
