Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
