Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You are the jesus of drinking
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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