I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
