Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
