I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
