if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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