Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
third nipple confirmed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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