I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
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My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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