I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
