What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
