If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
