My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
