On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
they need to just BURY HIM!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My ass is underappreciated
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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