Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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