He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i need some magic done to my vagina
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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