Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
