i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
