They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
