My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
