When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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